See, I don't want to see myself as a sad, pessimistic person. No. I'm bright and cheery, pink and bubbly. Or at least I want to be. Reading my previous blogs in numerous sites, one would think I have a dark, scarred, cynical and jaded personality. Well, maybe I do. But maybe I don't. I don't really know. But this idea has kept me from blogging for the past year (well, aside from the fact that I am in law school now and I barely have time to sleep). This past year, in the middle of writing, i stop myself, read what I have written and I realize how loaded and anger-stricken my post was - how every word seems to be written by hand, the pencil tip breaking at the end of every sentence. Was I angry? Was I bitter? Or was I just an emotional writer? I usually went for the last answer and I usually end up deleting my half-finished post.
Why? Have I suddenly grown a conscience? No. Not really. I just realized I have to be very very careful with my words. Somehow, the sharp tongue I have in real life translates in every medium of communication I use. In my songs, in my posts, sometimes even in my essay exams. Its just me. And I'm doing this not because I don't want to hurt other people, or make them feel worse than they already do. I'm doing this for myself... i think. I really haven't resolved in my heart why I want "censor" what I say. Maybe, I just dont want to look back when I'm old and see that I was angry. Sure my name doesn't rhyme with pink and bubbly, nor is it synonymous with bright and cheery -- but I just wanna look back and see that somehow, I was happy.
Or maybe, I'm just hormonal.
